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Hosstory - Vince & Sully

Could You Do This Job?

It’s amazing what people will get up to, to earn money. A little extra cash to see them by. Especially in Filey.

In the holiday season you get the donkey rides on the beach. You get the crazy golf on the sea-front. You even get the boats in Glen Gardens.

But there are even odder things that the locals will get up to to attract the crowds and thus make them rich.

Chapter 1

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?" asked police officer Mappin.

"Straight jacket," replied Davis, his partner.

"Straight jacket who?"

"Straight jacket with a loonie in it, and he doesn't look in a very good condition," Mappin said as he stood and stared at the figure standing at the police station door.

The two officers had just arrived at Filey police station on their rounds of the local towns and were confronted by a lunatic in a straight jacket standing dismayed at the police station door. The irate person in the tight fitting garment confronting them was The Amazing Vince Barr, partner to The Stupendous Sully, and the reason for his attire was that another of their stunts had gone terribly wrong.

Chapter 2

Their escapades were just a way of earning some extra cash during the holiday season. A way of getting extra dosh that could be use for recreational activities such as drinking, and betting on the horses and drinking. The problem was, the two of them weren’t very good at it and had they realised this, they would have ended up in a more healthy state than what they were in today.

Most of their stunts failed. Their last daring feat had ended with Sully cast in a block of quick drying cement breathing only through a drinking straw and realizing that something was not quite right and set cement was very hard to escape from, let alone do anything else in, such as breath.

After Vince had also eventually realised this as well and had made a couple of calls, it had taken the fire brigade and a team from the local council several days to chip Sully out, although while doing so several passers bye had commented that the new sculpture Filey had received was crap and a complete and utter waste of taxpayers money.

Previous to that Vince had been scorched by an exploding balloon of hydrogen gas four hundred feet above Filey town centre. Seconds later he had received two broken legs and a fractured collarbone due to a collision with the ground.

People, as usual, had been charged to see what was about to happen, and had been told that the idea of this particular stunt was that The Amazing Vince Barr was to be chained and handcuffed by The Stupendous Sully, then placed in the basket of a balloon. Shortly afterwards, a ten minuet fuse would be lit and the balloon would be set free to ascend. Vince would escape from handcuffs and the chains, put on a parachute, and jump from the balloons' basket to safety before the fuse ignited the flammable gas.

Things began to go wrong when fuse had gone out. Escaping from the chains and not wanting to disappoint the gathered crowd, and of course have to give people their money back, Vince had reached up to re-light the fuse and in doing so had punctured the balloon and ignited the gas. With an almighty flash and pop the explosive gas burned and it wasn’t until the crowd heard his screams did they realise that something must have gone wrong. Most gasped with horror as they saw the balloon hurtling down towards them. Others amongst them, locals, shouted in dismay thinking that if things had gone wrong they had been done and that there might be a chance that they would not get their money back. Vince though high above them knew nothing of this and didn’t care, he could do nothing but singe and scream loudly as the basket began to plummet earthwards. The crowd below now in a blind panic ran for their lives given more incentive by Vinces cries from above. They did not know why they ran, nor where they were running to, it was just a blind panic, a stampede, and they knew that they had to somehow get away.

Still screaming and knowing that he would not have much time, Vince grabbed the parachute. He knew he didn’t have much time to put the it on and pull the ripcord. The question now that was for-most in his mind was, how long?

He began to count as he put the parachute on.

One.....Right arm in. Two.....Left arm in. Three.....Right buckle fastened. Four.....Left buckle fastened. Five.....Pull the cord. Six.....SPLAT!

He received his painful answer six seconds later!

Chapter 3

Now here Vince was at the police station door. Dazed and not knowing exactly what was going on, having minutes before been dragged on the end of a rope at high speed towards the sea wall, and then after colliding abruptly with the fence, had a harness ripped viciously from around his body.

Things had not started too badly as two hand-grenades had been taped to his behind by Sully who had then placed and fastened tightly a straight jacked onto Vince. The pins of the devices had been fastened to one sleeve of the garment and to a gag covering his mouth preventing him from screaming and frightening the crowd should anything go wrong.

A long length of rope had then been fastened securely to a harness placed over the garment and its other end to a fast speedboat ticking over in Filey Bay. This was to be piloted by Sully providing a time limit for the stunt to be completed.

On a signal given by Vince stamping one of his feet hard down on an exploding cartridge, Sully would put on a blindfold, for effect, and put the boat to full power there heading off at high speed out into the bay. The purpose of the stunt would be for Vince to remove the jacket before the slack of the rope was taken up, there he would then remove the gag, and both the garment and gag would be dragged out to sea to explode safely out in the bay.

Of course, this is what was supposed to have happened but when the stunt had been rehearsed, and the length of rope had been measured out, the tide had been in placing the boat at the foot of the sea wall. Now the tide was out leaving not too much slack rope on the shore and giving Vince not to much time to get free.

There Vince stood, waiting and anticipating what was to happen, knowing he could do it and that he’d be alright. In the boat, in the water sat Sully, waiting also and watching for his partners signal.

The time came and Vince had raised his right foot and brought it down hard. The cartridge exploded violently under his left foot causing a pain to shoot suddenly up his leg and for him to fall over. Sully on hearing the bag had immediately covered his eyes with the blindfold and had pushed hard forward on the engines throttle. It roared and with an ever increasing sound of pure power had sped off out into the bay.

As the boat had sped away the rope had become tight much to soon, and Vince had been swiftly dragged towards the top of the sea wall. Luckily for him, he’d not gone through the gap in the fence and the rope on suddenly tightening pulled the harness from his body leaving him very badly dazed and scuffed and with the two hand-grenades still attached to his body. The assembled crowd on seeing this and realising what had happened had left the scene in a raging panic, screaming and shouting in fear of their lives. Vince alone and not knowing quite what had happened, and not having Sully there to help him to sort the problem sat there dazed and in pain.

He looked up and around for Sully. There he saw the boat still racing across the water. He sat and watched the boat along with his partner disappear into the distance and crash, shattering into a thousand pieces as it hit the now exposed Spittals rocks. Sully, still blindfolded and in as near dazed a state as his partner, scrambled onto the rocks there immediately having droves of vicious crabs out for an easy meal descend on him and start to nip and tear at his flesh.

There he squirmed and fought as the vicious crustaceans attacked and bit at his every exposed part, and there quite a crowd gathered to watch this free show, a blindfold man matched against crabs. Many took photos, some took bets as to who would win, but all were enjoying the show. It was such fun.

Wondering now what he should do Vince felt to see if the grenades were still in place. He wasn’t that lucky. They were, but the pins were still in place where they should be. He knew that because he was still alive to know.

Slowly and painfully he staggered up Cargate Hill trying his best to keep his buttocks as tight together as he could. Everyone he saw, everyone he met and saw him avoided him thinking him to be some escapee from an asylum. The police now were his only hope. They would surely understand and be able to do something about it.

"What shall we do about him?" Davis asked, as he eyed Vince from head to toe.

"Untie the poor sod and kick his arse for wasting police time," replied Mappin.

As Davis approached Vince he began to squirm and dance about frantically. Unfortunately, due to the gag over his mouth, he could not warn the two police officers of the two hand- grenades wedged tightly between his buttocks. Nor could he tell them that the pin of one was attached by a cord to the left sleeve of the jacket, and the pin of the other was attached to the gag over his mouth.

Davis made a dive for Vince and there was a frenzied struggle as the officer tried to remove the straight jacket and the gag, and Vince, wanting to stay alive, tried his best to prevent him.

"He doesn't seem to want to be freed," Davis gasped as they struggled frantically across the floor.

"Just cut him free and let him go," Mappin said. "I'll hold him down. You untie the huggie jacket."

As the final strap of the garment was unbuckled and the jacket was removed, there was a tinkle sound. This was the first grenades pin hitting the floor. Davis reached out and with one swift tug, he removed the gag from Vinces mouth. There was a second tinkle.

"MY TROUSERS! MY TROUSERS. GET MY TROUSERS OFF NOW!" Vince yelled.

"I beg your pardon sir, but we're not that kind of police officers. We're both have wives and children, at least I do. I suggest you keep your perversions to yourself or you'll be arrested," Davis said sternly.

"IF YOU DON'T GET MY TROUSERS OFF, YOUR DEAD!"

“Right Mick, lift him. Indecent behaviour and threatening police officers," Mappin said sternly.

Vince was quickly marched to the cells, protesting and struggling as he went. Just as the door of one of the cells was being opened for him, there was an almighty explosion.

There from the Brigg, Sully now covered in wounds had beaten off the crabs to the utter disappointment of the spectators who began to chant for more, heard the bang, and tearing aside the blindfold saw the plume of smoke rising from the centre of the town. He knew that there could only be one, no, two things that could have caused it, and he knew that he, The Stupendous Sully, would need a new partner if he wanted to earn more money to be able to gamble and drink throughout the year.