Hosstory - Silly Billy Hosstory - Silly Billy
Jimmy Corrigan used to own the amusement arcade down at the cobble landing. Not anymore he doesn’t. Want to know why?
Chapter1
Billy Holdsworth sat in a small dispensing booth counting 10p after 10p after 10p into their individual piles of ten and then placing them casually into large cloth bags ready to take to the bank.
If there was one job he hated, it was the counting. He didn’t mind the opening of his gaming facility, especially in summer. He didn’t mind switching on the lights and the power and hearing all the machines burst into their individual lives with their beeps and whistles and dings. He didn’t even mind the sacking of the employees who were near to the end, but within their minimum term of their employment, or even the looks of disappointment on their faces when he did so. No. These were some of the things that made work worthwhile. But what he did mind was the hours of counting of the days takings long after everything was switched off and all were away. That really made him sick.
Chapter 2
It was now half past eleven at night. Half past eleven after an exceptionally profitable day and Billy’s fingers were near red raw with the moving of the hundreds of 10p pieces into their piles and then into their bags.
It was on this particular evening, this particular hot and clammy evening that he did something that he hardly ever did at all, that he hardly found he ever had to or could do while he was counting. He thought. His mind began to wander probing such things as had happened in the past or might even happen in the future. He thought and he came up with a most unusual and profitable idea, something that would make him extremely rich and powerful and give him the stature he’d always secretly wished for.
If Billy increased his prices at this time by nine hundred percent, then it stood to reason that it would immediately decrease the time he’d have to spend counting by ten; plus he would be years ahead of his competitors. The rate of inflation assuring that some time in the future £1.00 would only be worth what 10p was worth now, so he in fact was making the future happen now. He had in fact travelled in time. He had in a moment become a time lord. He’d always wanted to be a lord of something, and now for him it had happened in an instant, and he found that he’d become one with very little effort or expense.
Thinking back, he’d looked many times at his reflection in his shaving mirror and thought how the actor who played the first Doctor Who had looked remarkably like him. William Hartnel was only an actor though. He could only play the part of a time lord. Here, William Holdsworth was a real time traveller, a real time lord. He had managed to advance in time, be ahead of the rest of the world, the galaxy, …..the universe. He was unique and all powerful. Time itself held no boundaries for him.
In some glee and with an inward enjoyment he rubbed his sore hands together. This his counting booth had now become his TARDIS and he’d done the thing only others could write of and could act, and he’d done it without all that wrenching, grinding noise that was so much of a show and annoyance.
What, would he be called though, he thought? What would he be known as? Round Filey, people of the medical profession were not called doctors they were called quacks. From now on he’d be known as the Quack. Yes that was the name for him. Quack Who.
He pushed on some buttons and pulled on some levers that he had not ever noticed been in the booth before and suddenly his surroundings changed and he noticed that his machines, his expensive state of the art gaming machines had been replaced by more electrical, more mechanical, more primitive kinds. There also seemed to be someone calling out numbers from one end of the room.
“Clickerty-click, …..sixty-six.” The boy called. “Two fat ladies, …..eighty-eight.” He continued. “Unlucky for some.”
“HOUSE!” an old woman called excitedly from her seat.
“Twelve.” Added the boy.
“That’s not unlucky.” The woman protested back.
“It is for you.” The boy replied.
“Bingo.” Billy thought. “Bingo. I’m in the same place, my amusement arcade, but it’s in the past.”
A though suddenly came to him. A most terrible thought as he realised what would also be different about this place in this time.
If it was indeed the past he was in, then the past owner of the arcade would almost certainly be there.
Sure enough, looking through the plastic window of his booth Billy saw the very person he’d expected and inwardly hoped would not be there. Looking back in his direction across the room was the one and only Jimmy Corrigan. The one and only Corrigan Billy had the fortune to meet one dark night and have the even greater fortune to con from his possession his amusement arcade. The very arcade he was in.
To Billy’s surprise, Jimmy was looking not at all angry towards him, as the last time they had met Jimmy had promised to tear Billy’s throat from his neck, and if not his throat, some other of Billy’s vital organs from some other part of his body. At this moment though Jimmy seemed more perplexed than he seemed angered.
There he approached the booth and asked quite quietly what Billy, and the box were doing there.
“I don’t know.” Billy nervously replied.
“Listen, who ever you are. This is my arcade.” Jimmy enforced. “So I’m asking you what you are doing in it in a box. Or maybe you don’t get it? My arcade. You answer. You not answer. Me punch out your lights, and you end up in another kind of box” He stated.
I still don’t know.” Billy protested as he tried frantically to find the buttons and levers that were there before.
From outside the booth in the dimmed light, Billy looked as though he was coming it, and Jimmy didn’t like anyone coming it, especially on his premises.
“Don’t come it with me!” Jimmy called toward the box. “Or you’ll regret it.”
As Jimmy approached the booth he suddenly realised who was there inside it. Quit surprised he came closer. “Billy. What are you doing here. How did you and this thing get here, and when?” he asked.
Billy didn’t know quite what to say. He didn’t in fact know the answers, and if he did, they probably would have been as unbelievable as both him and Corrigan being honest.
“I just had it installed for you.” He stammered. “I’m just trying it out.”
Jimmy began to look it over. He looked it from top to bottom, then from side to side.
“It’s great.” He finally commented. “What is it?”
“It’s a booth for you to stand in. Billy explained. “It’s for you to take your money and count it without being disturbed.” He added. “It’s so no one can have a go at you or try and beat you up.”
The final reason was not at all plausible, as no one in their right mind, or at least no one wanting to live, would try and beat Jimmy Corrigan up. Jimmy thought though that Billy was just being sociable, so he said nothing.
Finally after Billy had stood there for what to him seemed like a lifetime, Jimmy spoke. “How much do you want for it?” he asked.
“Nothing. Nothing at all. It’s a gift.” Billy replied nervously.
Immediately Jimmy’s suspicions were aroused and the hairs on his back of his big toes began to tingle and twitch. Few people offered him gifts. The only ones he knew to offer him anything were those wanting him to spare their lives because they owed him, and he didn’t recall Billy at this moment being one of them.
“Thanks.” He said cautiously, looking Billy straight in the eye for any unusual reaction.
Billy looking him back as cautiously. There he opened the door of the booth and slowly stepped out, closing its door behind him. He knew that he must not let Jimmy inside, as the booth, his TARDIS, was the only way for him back to his own time.
“We’ll go for a drink as well.” He said trying to distract Jimmy’s attention from the box. “Just for old times sake.” He added stupidly.
He knew at once that the remark he’d just made was quite stupid, and he also knew that Jimmy would probably think the same. There were no ‘old times’ between them, well none he could remember that didn’t involve them each trying to inflict pain on each other.
Jimmy excused himself saying he had a phone call to make. Billy thought this suspicious but at the moment could do nothing about it. Not wanting to arouse Jimmys suspicions.
Minutes later Jimmy returned and the two headed up the steps leading to Queen Street and the pub Billy knew Jimmy frequented. At its door, a man stood. A well dressed man and from under his coat he produced a brown envelope, which he handed shiftily to Jimmy.
Billy thought not too much of this though regarding it only as some payment or other owed to Jimmy by the man. They did their business and the man was gone. The two then proceeded inside.
Chapter 3
There inside they found themselves in one of the small dimly lit rooms of the Foords Hotel. Funnily enough, the rooms were as small and dimly lit in the future as they were in the past, and there, something else had not changed in years. That something else was Divvi. Same old clothes, same old look, and the same old smell of burnt chip oil mixed with cheap aftershave that he always left where every he went. That was one thing that time had not managed to change.
The two had entered the room and had stood looking, just looking at the people who were sat there. The few people in it enjoying themselves, talking, laughing, drinking, had been very quickly put off their enjoyment by the looks they were being given, and following a deep-down animal instinct to stay alive, had left. Now there the two sat alone. They too sat talking and drinking as the ones before had done but there was no laughing. There was definitely no laughing.
The evening drew on and the two sat there talking. They talked of this and of that and of how many people they had put into Filey Bay for revenge or even fun.
As they talked, Billy found that there was one vital thing he had to watch. His referral to things as they were in the future. Once or twice he’d mentioned ‘his’ amusement arcade and had to correct it saying he had one in Barnsley, and Dixons taking most of the potential business, owning most of the fancy goods shops in Filey. There he’d got out of that saying that Dixon sold fancy goods TV’s, him having one that was always breaking down.
Luckily for him, Jimmy, being quite drunk, accepted his reasons and the night went on.
“Do you ever play cards?” Jimmy asked.
“Cards. Er, no.” Billy replied, wondering why Jimmy had suddenly brought up the subject.
“I like to play cards.” Jimmy added. “Cards can be most exciting.” He explained as he looked Billy in the eyes with a sort of ‘you’re going to play cards’ sort of look. “What games can you play?”
“ I can’t play cards.” Billy replied.
“You’ll learn.” Jimmy said as he produced a pack of brand new cards from his jacket pocket and proceeded to remove the wrapper.
Jimmy had a reason for wanting to play cards. It was true he liked to play. What was also true was cards had won him a lot of things, things like the amusement arcades, amusement arcades like the one Billy had in Barnsley.
Jimmy could play any game. Poker, both stud and draw, brag, even simple highest card turnover and be sure to win. Poker was his favourite though. Poker was his game and he knew that he could win at that, he had a quick eye and even faster hands.
“Right what game?” Jimmy asked as he placed the pack of cards on the table in front of them. “Poker? Brag?”
“Snap.” Billy replied. “
“Snap!?”
“Yes, snap. Snap’s the only game I know how to play.”
“You can’t play snap. It isn’t a mans game.” Jimmy tried to explain.
“How long will it take you to teach me how to play poker.” Billy asked.
Jimmy thought about this and sure enough, he realised that Billy had a point. To teach him how to play, even to the basic level where he wouldn’t know Jimmy was cheating, would take all night.
Although Jimmy knew how to play snap, it wasn’t exactly a gamblers game, plus it wasn’t a game he knew how to cheat at. With great reluctance though he agreed, ‘it shouldn’t be too hard to win at a simple game like snap’ he thought.
There Jimmy dealt the whole pack out between them card for card.
“Let’s make the game a bit more interesting, a bit more exciting.” He suggested.
“What do you mean?” Billy asked, not really wanting to know but knowing he was going to find out anyway.
“A little wager. Something for the one who wins.”
“Like what?”
“Like… Like for instance, if you win, you get my arcade.” He came back.
If Billy was stood up he’d have sat down, but he was already sat down so he stayed there.
“And if I win, I get yours.” Jimmy said casually.
It was a good job the Billy was sat down because from where he was his legs went weak.
Billy knew that he had no arcade but obviously Jimmy thought he did. He sat there for some time thinking of the consequences of the game and the bet. If he won, he’d get Jimmy’s arcade and Jimmy would probably kill him. If Jimmy won, Jimmy would get nothing and Jimmy would most definitely kill him. He had nothing to lose, except his life that is. He knew now that the only thing that could save him was his TARDIS back at the Cobble Landing. If after the game, if he could reach it, he’d be safe.
“OK.” He mumbled nervously.
Instantly Jimmy delved into his jacket pocket and produced the brown envelope he’d been given at the door. Tearing it quickly open he took from it a ready written contract. The contracts conditions stated the exact conditions Jimmy had just casually suggested, that whoever won would receive the others property. There he and Billy signed the appropriate parts of the document and Billy was given his copy. Jimmy then tossed a coin and on winning the call decided it was he who should go first. He placed his first card in front of him. It was a four. Billy placed his, a seven. Jimmy a nine. Billy, a nine.
“SNAP!” Shouted Billy and collected the cards.
Jimmy sat there and looked, first at the cards, then at the smiling Billy. There Billy had just won the first ‘hand’ and inwardly Jimmy was not at all pleased.
As the game progressed it attracted more and more spectators. Jimmy had hoped for this as he knew he’d need witnesses for when he collected his ‘winners’ prize.
Unknown to him, Billy was also glad of the witnesses, but for an entirely different reason.
Billy next laid down a three. Jimmy a six, a two, an eight, and so on, card for card, faster and faster the game went until both had very few cards left.
Billy laid down a queen.
Instantly Jimmy laid down a king.
“Sss” Billy said.
“SNAP!” Jimmy yelled triumphantly.
There in front of Jimmy was his king, and in front of Billy, a queen. It wasn’t snap.
Billy reached forward and picked up the cards. The game was nearly his.
Jimmy now seethed. He was near foaming at the mouth and his breathing was fast and erratic.
“You cheated.” He hissed.
“I didn’t say ‘snap’.” Billy replied as he put down his next card.
Jimmy sat and waited, staring at Billy and thinking of things he’d like to do to him when there was no one around. Unfortunately for him, and fortunately for Billy, there were several people watching. He foamed and hissed some more and with great reluctance carried on with the game. He only had three cards left and he now hoped and prayed that one would be the same as one of Billy’s and he’d be able to somehow win.
Three cards. Two cards. One card. The game was over.
“SNAP!” Billy yelled.
Jimmy had lost.
There was a massive cheer from the gathering of spectators.
Jimmy looked round and there was instant massive silence. He did a quick count to see how many bodies he’d have to get rid of for the contract to become null and void, and also out of the sheer pleasure of wiping the smiles off their faces. There were far too many. He’d just have to prevent Holdsworth from getting to his solicitors with the contract, if he did that and he had an ‘accident’, all would be fine and well, at least for him.
Billy had thought somewhere along the same lines and was now wanting to get as far and as fast away from Jimmy as possible. He bid his leave giving the excuse that he’d left something somewhere that he had to collect urgently before it thawed, and made a bolt for the door.
Jimmy with a roar and a shout upturned the table and was after him, what he wanted now, witnesses or not, was Billy’s blood and the contract he carried.
The chase continued along to the end of Queen Street, down the steps that lead to the Cobble Landing, and finally to the door of Jimmy’s amusement arcade. A strange place for someone to go not to be killed, but now the only thing Billy wanted was to get to his TARDIS and leave this time and place.
Reaching the arcades door he fumbled with the keys, hoping that the locks were still the same and the keys would fit. The keys fitted. Each turned, and Billy was inside. He reached for the light switch but it wasn’t there. It wasn’t where he had left it. He couldn’t remember where it had been before he’d moved it so there in the darkness he bumped and clattered and stumbled into machine after machine, trying his best to reach the booth before Jimmy caught up with him.
There at the door behind him appeared Jimmy. Gasping and hissing and seething even worse that he’d been in the pub.
“I’ll give you snap. I’ll snap your bloody neck.” He yelled.
The lights went on and Billy found that there he was still several yards from the booth. Jimmy ran towards him, dodging the machines with a ballet-like skill. He was used to this having to chase younger thugs out of the arcade after they’d won large amounts of money.
Billy was near the same and for the same reason, but older. He wasn’t as agile as Jimmy and very quickly Jimmy was upon him.
Jimmy lunged at him, his clawed hands reaching out, grasping at him as he tried to pull and tear at his flesh.
Bang, bang, his body went against the Perspex windows of the booth as he was pushed hard against it by the weight of Jimmys body. Bang, bang, louder and louder as he was bashed harder and harder against the perspex shield.
The only thing Billy could do was to try and fend the blows. He kicked out. He tried to free himself from Jimmy’s grasp but found that he was too old and weak. He grabbed frantically at the side of the booth and pulled himself for all he was worth towards its door. All the time he was constantly aware of the pain being inflicted on the lower half of his body by the kicking and thumping and biting of his attacker. The crunching, the grinding and the tearing as parts of his body were crunched and ground and torn.
Finally with the very last of his strength and with one last heave he was inside. There he kicked the door shut and began to pull and push at the levers and buttons that now seemed to be there.
Jimmy was now thumping and kicking at the booth, trying for all he was worth to crack it open and get in, whilst all the time offering threats of tearing Billy’s organs from his body. Fortunately for Billy the strong layer of the toughest of plastic between him and Jimmy was preventing him. Had it not have been, Jimmy’s fists and feet would have at this moment been impacting with Billy’s face causing him even more pain.
He watched as the arcade outside, along with Jimmy began to wobble and swirl. Within seconds he was back in his own arcade, in his own time and he now found Carl, his son, banging on the booth window.
“Dad. Dad.” Carl called. “Dad. Wake up.”
There he was, a soaking cold sweat covering his body and dripping from his brow.
He’d fallen asleep while counting the money and dreamed the whole thing. It had all been one of the worstest of nightmares that he had ever had.
Or had it?